Part Two
First, let’s get something out of the way: what do you think an alcoholic or addict looks like? Most of us are condemned to believe that these are words and names ascribed to the other - the destitute, the down and out, the homeless, the criminal. It’s easier for most of us to have a picture of what an alcoholic or drug addict appears to be. And while we hold down jobs, raise families, pay the bills, study, and are leaders in our community, we can continue to believe that our chemical dalliances aren’t deep-seated problems in our own lives.
It’s hard to know where you are right now. But most of us that have a problem know deep down inside that something is wrong, no matter how things appear on the outside. Many of you may have a great bank account, own a home, have a great career and be a shining example of a stable citizen on the outside. While on the inside, you are falling apart.
“What I do know about those of us, who need help, is that we come from a variety of social-material backgrounds, ethnicities, and cultures.”
Treatment centers are full of mothers, fathers, stockbrokers and - yes - the homeless, and court-ordered. Your material life doesn’t have to be in tatters for you to feel like something is wrong. Trust me.
What starts with that single glass of wine at the end of the day, a glistening vessel full of relief from the day behind us, with a short, quiet promise in the back of the head: “just one tonight, no more” - often ends with a sore head and a heart full of regrets. “No more than two glasses or a whole bottle,” we might say. No more arguments with our partner or spouse. No more disappointing looks from our loved ones or kids. No more shame and hurt.
For those of us who are or have been substance dependents, we all know the feeling of terror when we wake up in the morning, knowing we’ve said the wrong thing and mixed the karmic cauldron once again is here once again. And as we take the longest walk to the shower, head swimming in guilt, and nausea, we say: “never again,” once again.
What will we do today to satiate the soulful feeling of burden? Just a string of short, momentary panaceas as a means to struggle through it.
For me, it was easier to avoid the nausea and soul-destroying feelings by picking up a drink in the morning. Then it was a Pump bottle full of vodka at work. And eventually pills and white lines to keep me from passing out from when the booze wore off.
Hiding my drinking during the day at work became harder. Coworkers began to whisper, and eventually, management called me aside for the inevitable sit down.
Little did I know that a few weeks later I would be on the streets, separated from my wife, and no place to go.
Life moves quickly when the karmic pipeline has been slowly building with sludge. And after a string of small, yet poor decisions - I was that person I never thought I would be: “the other” - the picture of an alcoholic living on the street with no job or money or loved ones.
Let’s just stop calling us alcoholics, okay? With all the semantic trappings with that word, let’s just say you feel trapped by alcohol or addiction. Let’s just say you are in an enormous spiritual sinkhole, the inevitable existential spiral of doom that has grown with you into adulthood. We are all of us, addicted to the short sharp relief from existential pain that we get from the first sip, snort, pill crush, or smoke.
A better name would be alcohol and drug ‘dependency’.
For me, what started as a thing to do to feel a part of the world (I started drinking to fit in and found an answer to all my social anxiety) eventually became the only thing that made sense in my life. If you are struggling with alcohol and drug dependency, you are so not alone. One thing I would say is that these habits provide a feeling of fulfilment and immediate relief and fill the gaps in your life where something is missing.
“The key today is to take the time to find out where that chunk of emptiness lives and go there! Stare into the abyss and it might just be looking at you, seeking love
and connection.”
If there is just one thing I could say, it’s this: take that time to find joy in your life again. Because if you are at the point of saying: “enough is enough”, the good news is that you are not giving up anything at all - you are not giving up a glass of wine with your mates after work, you are not giving up on social acceptance, or that relief at the end of the day. The point is that you will gain something when you search for it. For now, you’ve been searching at the bottom of a glass. Tomorrow you could be searching for meaning and purpose in your life again. The point I dearly wanted to convey in this piece is that you are the only person right now who can know if you have a problem, and you are the only one who can do something about it.
And one way to be mindful is by changing how we think about the stereotypes of addiction. This is a physical and mental dependency that affects everyone. If you are feeling scared of giving up alcohol or drugs; for example, if your doctor told you today that you had to eliminate substances from your life entirely or you would die, how does it make you feel? Now imagine if the same doctor told you cannot eat cake for the rest of your life, how do you feel? For those who are addicted to alcohol or other drugs, who may feel like the cake scenario is doable, while the idea of giving up substances feels stressful.
“The key is to ask yourself why… is alcohol or drugs doing anything positive for you today? Why do we feel sad?”
I want you to write down five reasons why you feel like the idea of giving up causes you anxiety, and five reasons why giving up will help you positively.
Look at them side by side and have a think, think about why and how you started using and where you are today. For some of you, giving up may require a full withdrawal from alcohol or drugs. For others, it might be a decision you make today. Either way, you need to put those thoughts into action.
Do something now. Call your GP or Helpline. If you need to medically detox or enter a treatment centre, then do so. There is no mucking about with this—because it does kill. Right now, it probably feels like the barbarians at the gates, but tomorrow it could be something much more severe.
And I would treat your situation like I would any illness or disease.
Do something about it today.
And if you need help or assistance see your GP or contact:
Alcohol and Drug Helpline: https://alcoholdrughelp.org.nz/helpline/ or Helpline: https://1737.org.nz/
Written By - David James